Learning more about patience lately as it relates to faith. Patience is also about dependance. Faith needs patience and dependance. I thought life would slow down a bit as some things changed for awhile. It is amazing how many things there is still to do!!!!

     God can use us in any shape we are in! You don't need your legs if you are using your mouth or your fingers! Or other body parts! God is amazing! The learning continues and if I ever stop...... I don't think I will be on earth! Yet, then heaven is still more!!!! Praise the Lord!

     How many accident scenes have I worked over the years knowing God was protecting me? Yet, I knew I had the lights of my unit, police, and Fire protecting us to alert passing motorists that there is an accident and slow down. I have stopped on scenes off duty before to assist others but not on an overpass with that road speed as the cars still passed on 3 lanes going the same direction. More space available to avoid the accident right? Yet, the drivers must be paying attention!

     Yet, even more important I need to keep my attention on my Faith in Jesus Christ as I walk on this earth and have the faith to know He is protecting me without a doubt. NO FEAR!  Growing up and working since, I have been told I was crazy at times for some things I do when I feel lead to do them. I know I'm suppose to do them and God will protect me. I'm not about to do something with a risk that I don't feel God leading me in due to that is fully stupid as I would be doing for me instead of God's glory.  I will admit if I don't know for sure I will not due to I don't want my own pride to get in my way.How many of us well meaning have let pride get in our way and have regrets? We all can do it. When we are risking ourselves and others, we have to know God is leading us in what we are doing!

      Seeing the one car accident. I knew I was suppose to stop. I saw they guy standing inbetween his open drivers door and the car which would be a terrible place if someone hit his car as the front of it was facing oncoming traffic in outside lane with front damage to the point of his headlights not properly working. I got out of my car in full faith knowing God will take care of me. I was so focussed on running up to the guy and trying to get him away from his car that I did notice Jess having difficulty in getting out of the car on the passenger side due to how close I parked on the outside shoulder a distance ahead of the car to keep the car and her safe. I was focussed at the job at hand. I was calling dispatch to notify of accident and no injuries at this time (People can always change mind as they calm down.). I was forwarded to another dispatch system to give better attention to the scene yet there was a few second lag time on the phone and I was not use to being fowarded to another dispatch. Those few seconds I became a bit frustrated which took my eyes off my focus of God taking care of me. I  looked over the rail noticing the drop, I watched and felt the vibrations as traffic passed us on the inside two lanes. I noticed the wet road which caused this first car to possibly hydroplane as it had been raining but had stopped. I realized I did not have any flashing lights in before of the the wrecked car to warn people if they were paying attention. I started to have fear with doubts! I looked right behind me to see Jess right there wanting to learn and help. In my fear and realization of what was going on, I yelled at her in a commanding voice to get back in the care where she would be safe! In those couple of minutes I doubted God could take care of us up there. I took my eyes off of oncoming traffic as I was assessing what was going on to make sure Jess was safely in the car and she was as she had ran back to the car. The guy was at a distance from his car. I heard no brakes but a loud crash to see the first car like a pool ball move out of the way and not my direction. Yet, the full size pickup was coming right at me as I was on the shoulder and I started to run the few steps remaining to the guard rail but truck was moving too fast. All I could say was a quiet "ooh" not a scream. I just in my head knew I had been with God since I was seven years old as a great peace consumed my body as the truck hit me and I ragged doll as I twisted and kept hitting the truck repeatedly as it started sliding sideways and hearing brakes as it made a "Dukes of  Hazard" type stop a foot from the back of my car with Jess in it.

     After the motion stopped, I praise God that I did not loose consc. and able to move and feel my toes as I felt the location of pain from parts of my body. I praise God for being alive and felt so "okay" compared to what I knew could have happened as I had went under the truck as it slid sideways and the tailgate came upon the concrete guard rail. 

     I did not officially cry out for God to help me vocally but my mind knew I had given myself to Jesus since I was seven. I did acknowledge I was God's as peace consumed me. I had such joy after the movement stopped that I was alive. 

    Apostle Peter was walking on water with full faith in Jesus. Yet, he too stopped to look around at what was actually going on as he took his eyes off Jesus with full faith focussed on Jesus. He began to sink in the water. Jesus who loves us reached out to Peter as Peter reached out to Jesus to save him from drowning.  I have no doubt God reached down with His angels to help protect my life and ability to be able to help others on the street once again after Jesus heals me.

    God has slowed me down a bit as I heal so I can spend more time in the Word to learn more about Faith and trust. I have choices in how I spend this time to heal and the attitude I will have.  I have a choice to walk in Faith in God that He is going to take care of me or chose to doubt! God gives me freewill and the rest of the world to chose. I know He has kept me on this earth due to He has plans for me. I want to seek God to be able to prepare daily and find out as He lets me know what those plans are to be on this earth. He knows I have been praying for souls to come to Jesus in those I know!  I pray to see them and more come in my lifetime. I pray to be able to encourage those who get frustrated with their relationship with Jesus as they are confused at times by what they see other "Christian" or "Christian leaders" do but words say different.  Yet, nobody is perfect. God knows the motives of our heart as He is our Judge. It is always sad for me to to see one God has used get so discourage after a time to in ways turn their back on God and others condemn them for it instead of encouraging them back to Jesus.  Yet, I know human pride gets in the way on both sides.

     Peter was used as an example as Jesus pulled him from the water and back in the boat. The disciples could have had various reactions to this but Jesus was right there with them in person to keep them where they needed to be focussed and do. Peter had fear again later as he denied Jesus three times when the soldiers took Him. Yet, Peter was convicted of his denial of Jesus and repented of it. He did not give up and mope around about the mistake he made. He chose to beleive God would forgive him and he continued his relationship with Jesus. Peter learned through his mistakes and increased his faith instead of letting it discourage him into ineffectiveness of his own Faith in Jesus and what God could do through him the rest of his life.

      Who did Jesus say He was going to build His church upon? He referred to Peter as a "rock"?  Yes, this is the man that about drowned and denied Jesus three times? Oh, yes, in is passion to protect Jesus also drew a sword and cut a ear off those who tried to apprehend Jesus in the Garden as Jesus healed this man's ear! Is if by Faith not by human strength or man's weapons we fight the enemy with. It is our faith!  Peter learned by his mistakes in trying to be all that for Jesus. He chose what his attitude was going to be like as he regained in faith and focus on Jesus in life.  Jesus used Peter in might ways in the church after Jesus ascended.

    We all can chose to be discouraged when we mess up or bad things happen. Yet, we can chose to learn from our mistakes and build our faith. Peter was willing to take a sword and defend Jesus from an army/angry mob who apprehended Jesus.  His faith kept growing to do more! Yet, he stilled denied knowing Jesus 3 times just after that. Yet, Peter repented and chose to continue to learn from his mistakes to grow in faith!

      We all have that choice! We all have that freewill to chose! Are we going to let others discourage us from our faith due to their actions or lack of actions? We are not to judge them, God is! We can encourage them back to rely on their faith letting them know God forgives! We don't have to live defeated lives consumed with guilt we can't get over!  If God can forgive us, we can forgive ourselves too and move on in faith!  Don't let the guilt of it what the enemy can help us believe defeat each of us in our faith!  God is in control! Greater is He that is within us than he who is in this world!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise the Lord! Amen!

     One thing our dear Mother can say is that we are not in a rut in how we celebrate her day.  Just after midnight last year after she arrived at the airport after a delays in her flights from visiting our third sister states away, her other two daughters met her with flowers and took her to IHOP to celebrate Mother's day around 1:30 am!  Then we kindly let her sleep after she arrived home from church a few hours later.

      This year instead of the past norm, my Mother and sister came to my house since I have been declared temp. homebound by my Doctors!  We ordered Pizza and had it delivered!  Yet, it was nice to have visitors. I must thank a dear true friend Stacey to come over to my house to vacuum and straighten up prior to my family coming Sunday!  She is a friend like a Sister who has helped me in so many ways I can't even say during this time.  She even helped up in this way by having a nicer Mother's day with my family!  Her help and encouragements have ripple effects.

     Only God truly knows what next Mother's day will be like. Who knows? We may start doing Mother's Day suprizes just to keep excitement for my Mother. I was not quite able to get out get my Mother something special like  I do like to do. I do spend time thinking of what would be practical yet fun! This year she told me she was happy that  I was here to celebrate it.  I guess the last couple of weeks have been out of the norm and life is a practical things.  It is far more than that! Again, we don't let our Mother's life be boring!  She does blame us for her color of  her hair.  We are three basically tame girls! We are not sons! Yet, at times, action adventure is not all for just sons!

      My youngest sister come with her family in a couple of weeks to visit the area. Our Mother will get to see all of us within two weeks of Mother's Day!  Hmmmmmmmm we are just spreading it out!!!!!  I don't think our Mother minds if we spread out Mother's Day all year long with special things.

     Two weeks later, Jess finds herself witnessing another car accident right in front of her as she is the second car back from the busy intersection it  happened. The lady infront  not at all part of the accident jumps from the driver's seat immediately to the back seat that spurrs Jess's curiousity for such a move as she gets to see if the guy who was hit to the driver's side is okay. As she passes the car infront of her she sees the lady in the process of protecting a baby in the backseat with each one okay.

     Learning from two weeks ago she encourages people to stay in their cars if they don't have medical training so they will be safer and not hit by other cars in the intersection as she sees several people calling 911 and yelling to others that is what they are doing. Fortunately the speed of the impact was not that fast due to the light had just turned and everybody observant expect the the one who was hit.

    As Jess tells me about the accident after she got home from class and taking her final, she admits it was not easy at first to get out of the car to assist remembering seeing me hit by a full size truck on an overpass as we had stopped to render aid on a dark night with the road speed of 60 mph. Yet, she knew this guy needed help and make sure his neck was protected from movement or the pt. himself. This one was going to be injured. When first responding firefighters arrived she gave them a full consise report as they asked who she was as she was dressed in normal clothes. She informed them she was an EMT student on the way to class to take her final that night. Yet, one commented that she sounds like she has been around this stuff more than just a normal "student". She informs them that she lives with a Paramedic and drops my name as I have been working on the service for the last 14 years so I have worked with these men. EMS arrives soon and the information of who she is passed as they continue to allow her to assist in the call. She was small and fit into the sport coupe back seat with broken glass far easier that then men would that responded would have. She did have her class student name badge on her which further proved she was telling them the truth.

    As the scene was being wrapped up the Firefighters and EMS told her to tell me they were praying for me. She was 20 min. late for class yet her instructor has a radio for the county as he is part of EMS headquarters. Sometimes, after calls that freak students out a bit they no longer want to pursue being an EMT as something to do. She was a bit freaked out after the accident two weeks ago after she saw me hit and thought dead as she saw me go under the truck with the speed of it all. Yet, she was able to put that behind her when it happened in front of her again. We both ask God to use us each day and she knows God is her strength to do what she does. She thought it was cool that the glass did not hurt her. God protects us in so many ways.

      Yet, I learn things from her not even being on this call. She was able to continue to assist due to she appeared to them she knew what she was doing and dropped a names to prove where she learned what she knew. She used her skills instead of just talking about them. Yet, in our Christian life we do drop the name of Jesus Christ of who we are and we attend church where we learn more about Jesus Christ and grow in our personal relationship with Jesus if we have one or go through the motions and words of having one. The ones watching her observed her that she knew about what she was doing and could give a report of what was going on upon their arrival. Yes, she had a bad time of things two weeks ago but she did not let it stop her in following God to be used of Him again to assist another.  She did not let a bad experience that scared her greatly keep her from doing what she was being trained to do and feeling led by God to do!  Plus, she was on her way to take a paper test final but in ways she was taking a test of putting what she knew in actual application. She knew God would help her do it. The Police had come quickly and shut down the traffic so the scene was much safer!

     For me, you spend time investing in people in various ways. She has happened to live with me for the last two years and has become like an adopted daughter to me. We have been accused of looking similiar by many so some actually think she is mine! To watch one grow and take what she learns and experience to be able to apply it without you there is encouraging to me. Dropping my name allowed her to be able to continue to help on that scene. Even if I was not with her, it still allowed her to help. In our Christian lives we work through Jesus Christ as his Name has more power as He is God of All!  Jess did not let a bad experience keep her from continuing in God has called us to do. No, we may not be leaders in a church or ordained but God gives us all things to do on this earth. The question is will we continue to do them when things do seem to work out like we think they should! God is teaching Jess and I both during this time many things! I praise God for what is going on despite not knowing the answers to why's! That is faith and trust in the Lord to be open to learn and continue to encouraging others!  Romans 8:28 (KJV) And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."  She was tested far more than on a piece of paper last night! Praise God she chose to trust God and not be stopped by fear! How many times are we tested and don't even realize it!

     (conti from previuos day) In few seconds I went from being the one trying to help another on a scene to help keep them safe as I was calling 911 dispatch on my cell phone to being the one needing the help. Yet as the impact hit my cell phone was gone from my ear and hand and was found after the impact on the trucks back bumper near the center where one would put a ball hitch. The phone was resting there without obvious damage a few inches from where my fingers would reach as somebody found it and handed it to me. I use to for years helping my patients not being a patient in need of help!

    I was transported with the only fracture found being my lt knee cap(patella) with an open laceration  requiring surg. in the morning as I was told that there was a lot of soft tissue injury. God had protected me from so many other possibilities of injury from that sort of impact. No fractures to my back or hips as bruising and swelling started! As I felt my back side I thought about the Proverb " For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth, even as a father the son in whom he delighteth" 3:12. My parents did not believe in sparing the rod growing up as my Mother had made that area painful many times while growing up when my Father was out working on the farm. My body was sore all over as time passed. Yet, again, I was happy to be alive and knew God wanted me on this earth for a reason as this could be a lesson in life that will help me further down the road. Iknow God does want the best for me and is fair in His dealings. Yet, I don't understand things at times.

     How many times, do I think I'm in control of my life like the scenes at work I work? Over and over in the Bible "Trust in the Lord".  Trusting the Lord is being dependant upon Him to take care of me. No it does not mean I sit on the couch eating Bon Bons waiting on God to do it. Yet, it is about a dependance in seeking the Lord daily using my freewill to chose this instead of going other directions. Life gets busy and was I seeking as much as I should be for God to direct my steps? Had I become too busy? I still have many questions I'm asking and learning things other than the questions I may ask. 

    Yet, being injured, home bound by Doctors for awhile due to issues in healing allows me to no be independant. Being in the hospital those days with limited movement as my overbody was healing from soft tissue injures as it continues to do so now. Basic life activities, I needed help with which were things I took for granted I did daily. Yet, I still knew God protected me from so many other injuires and death. He has a plan for my life and I have time to study in the Word and pray to discover more of it and prepare my heart for it more.

     How many people I know do not know what will happen to them when they die? How many  more am I still on earth for God to allow me to encourage?  I will only learn answers to questions by being dependant on God not my own independance thinking I'm in control of things. We all can slip into it despite seeking to Trust the Lord fully.  We are instructed to pick up the cross daily, pray without ceasing, rejoice, forgive, and many more as I know I can improve in all of those. God gave me freewill to chose each action I do and for who's glory it is for!

     Being slowed down, I'm able to learn more about faith and dependance on the Lord to trust Him that much more with more of my life that I seem to keep taking back in a tug a war at times. I'm learning more trust and being able to listen better. Yet, so far to go! I praise God for those praying for me as God is answering those prayers! I praise God for healing me! I'm learning/reminded to ask my Heavenly Father to help me in functions of daily life I never actually thought about asking Him to help me before. "In all things" has taken on a new meaning! When I am weak, He is strong! Praise the Lord!

     What is one's reaction to impending impact to one's body of a full size Chevy pickup near road speed? Mine was a quiet "oh" I whispered as a consuming peace released itself in my body just a moment before impact realizing my running the away was futile as I looked back to see and feel the impact. I was on an elevated highway and the rail only offered an aprox. 20ft. drop with a possible concrete landing.  

     Did my life pass before my eyes? No! I just felt the impact to my back side as I was then pushed but somehow twirled to be struck again by the passenger side mirror to my forehead and repeatedly hit again along the side of the truck as the back of the truck started sliding sideways as with time I went under the truck before the tailgate hit the concrete railing. I remember going under the truck with my head again brushing concrete as the space closed in. I stopped sliding as the truck stopped too. I felt pain allover but mainly to my low back, backside/hips and left leg not moving normal. I knew I should not move further as I made and watched my toes move!

     I praised God for being alive and started yelling for those who could hear, "I'm okay!" "I'm okay!" I was fully alert and could move my toes! Joy abounded in me knowing God preserved my life from this! Peace turned into on of the deepest joys of my life despite pain I was in! Pain let me know I was alive! Pain felt good in this way! Pain meant I was living! The level of pain God helped with! Plus, right then I was so excited to find out why God had me still on this earth in the days/years to come!

    I praised God further to find out no one else was injured! My goal for stopping was complete! They guy in the first car was safe! Others not injured! I know God will be taking care of me! Yet, I had not expected to be injured! Yet, what was God's plan in this?

    When the impact hit I thought to myself in the peace, "God I have been with you since I was seven" but the repeated impacts stopped my thought. I did not think or say any thing inspiring as others might see it.

      Yet, we all have been through rough times in life in some shape or form Jesus helps us with! He is there for us and at times we can't always see Him working in our lives!  We take it forgranted at times or even frustrated on what is going on. He is truly there for us as the Bible tells us over and over! Scriptures can flood each of our minds as God shows Himself to us in them! I just knew I needed Jesus in this! He gave me a peace which I know must have relaxed me in this as He protected me and moved me through it. God protected others on that scene from injury! Praise the LORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

     What does it take for God to get our attention or slow us down to study and pray with Him or extended times rather than just daily?  For me it took a full size Chevy truck to hit me as I was standing on the shoulder calling 911 for another person who had had a one car wreck on an outside lane of three lanes. Praise God the person was not injured and not injured in the secondary incident.

       I was hit but after it all stopped I was alert and moving all my toes and fingers despite injuries! I was happy! I was happy to be alive!  I did go to surg the next morning to repair a fracture!  Lots of soft tissue injury and swelling that God will heal!  Off work for awhile!

       For some reason, I have been slowed down and basically restricted to home! Yet, that is giving me time to spend time in the Word and learning things. I will write more about it.

       Learning more things about dependance verses being independant and helping others!  How did I know someone I took in and helped two years ago would in turn be helping me so  could be at home now!

        I know God has plans for me and want me on this earth for His plans! It is an exciting thought to me and gives me joy in the midst of things. People want to say things of my situation but I try to stop them from saying things due to by our words we speak show our faith and our heart! I know God can heal me! I know I will be back at my job doing what I do! I was off duty when it happened!  I'm already praising God for this!

        I grew up a farmers daughter as it was a 24/7 life as animals and storms could create issues at any time.  You lived and breathed the farm. I have taken this into what I live as I work my job being able to help others in situations no matter if I'm on a clock or not! We live our faith 24/7 also being ready to encourage others! Some of us have jobs that work really well hand in hand with our faith! Yet, God gifts us all different with none of us being more important than the other as we are the body of Christ working together! We all  can have our faith in our jobs as we glorify God in them as we are given that choice in freewill!

Micah 6:8  He hath showed the, O man, what is good; and what doth the Lord require of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with thy God?

  1 Thessalonians 5: 14-25   14Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men. 15See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men. 16Rejoice evermore. 17Pray without ceasing. 18In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.  19Quench not the Spirit. 20Despise not prophesyings. 21Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. 22Abstain from all appearance of evil. 23And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it. 25Brethren, pray for us.

     Throughout OT and NT it tells how to live pleasing to God. Thess. spells it out more yet the whole Bible spells it out as we read and seek.   I think sometimes where do I fit in verse 14? Am I the unruly, feebleminded, weak, or one in need of patience?  I know without a doubt I am the one in the need of patience from others as I am to give it to others. I feel like the others at various times if not all at once! When I see  insincere ones discouraging those who are sincere seeking, I want to get real unruly! When I see pride trying to destroy the humble just for the pride to build themselves up more in peer acceptance!  Yet, these verses come to mind along with others.

     Vs 22... Abstain from appearance of evil.....  That has been a challenge to me in application as I we are suppose to love and encourage the weak, warn the unruly, and love people.  How far does a person go? I have seen way to many over the years compromise when it comes to drinking and parties.  As a teenager, I saw kids in my youth group fall away as they  "witnessed" to those that drank but in time they where drinking which then led to lots of regret and guilt from actions.   Sadder yet, those good kids when in High School stayed away from it due to parental influence and those around but when college hit......they gradually compromised in to the land of many regrets to be accepted by peers. 

    Yet, later it became frustrating......this is where patience comes in for me.... living with regrets and guilt of actions from compromise would then as adults tear down those still trying to live sincere.  Sometimes the guilt they have in inability to admit to life they led earlier which is part of pride or just settled to living a life going to church going through the motions of faith which is very dangerous for soul upon death.  It is frustrating when they destroy those trying to be sincere and encourage others toward Jesus.  In turn, their example can hurt their own children's faith as they see the reality of faith not lived by parents.  Kids are not dumb! Teenagers are far from it.  They are seeking what is real. They are watching those older than them like Brothers and Sister especially as they go out to college. What is the conduct or friends they are hanging out with. What do the friends value? 

     I Praise God my own Mother as I was entering my teenage years got rid of her pride despite all the positions she had held in church and seminary classes attended in life and walked the aisle of a church one night to give her life sincerely to Jesus.  Her witness was huge to me and has shown so many things to me throughout the years in so many ways.  It scares me to think how many parents would rather play the game of faith motions and risk their own children's souls. I Praise God in the difference my Mother made in my own life from what I was watching and made a difference that impacted me to this day. My Mother is an example to me despite how many positions a person can hold at church or how many seminary classes attended that they can be going through motions fooling even themselves until they themselves take heart the words they are saying and sincere seek for themselves.

     Yet, going back, I watched people as I have been getting older going through things.  Sometimes, I see more than they want me to. Yet, I can warn but that gets interesting especially if one is blind to it.  Yet, I myself feel guilt in not doing more to encourage and  help others. At times, I blame myself for not doing more to help others. I could have prayed more. More patience..... or is my patience in things allowing things to grow worse?  Even if I offend them so should I say something instead of praying? Should I say more? Yet, I must accept that God gives people freewill to chose the path they walk. I must trust God in what I do and not be distracted myself from disappointments that can take my focus off of God.

      I still wonder what was the difference in my Mother's life that caused her to change! I praise God for it! Yet, I know she was sincerely seeking at a conference she was attending when she did it. She was sincerely seeking!  Freewill!  Yes, life was interesting as a farmer's wife as things were so so tight in so many ways. Farming is learning about faith.  I praise God if it was tough times that caused my Mother to sincerely seek God due to it made a difference in my life to see the change in hers. Does that mean she is perfect? No, she is human but still is trying to seek. Her her choices and how she lived did affect me with her example in faith. She helps me understand at times.

     No matter what, I need to rejoice and praise God. I must give thanks even if I don't understand "why" or "how".  God is faithful and wants me to be faithful no matter what. My faith can not be dependant of others or I will fall. I was raised to respect "men as the Christain leaders". Yet, as I have grown older the last few years I realize these "men" can lead people to hell just as easy if they are blind themselves. These "Christian men leaders" can be so clueless and fool so many including themselves. God must be my focus directly. Men are just men who need patience and patience from others.  Yet, God does truly have men of God on this earth to challenge others to live for God. Yet, my focus not matter what is to be on God and continue to encourage the men sincerely seeking and living for God.   Praise God for sincere men who do seek God! Praise God for women who sincerely seek God and encourage others to do so humbly.

    Patience, pray without ceasing, giving thanks in all things, Praise in all things, love people with humbleness, and so much more to apply yet it comes back to humbleness and living justly sincerely seeking God due to HE is faithful!

10All thy works shall praise thee, O LORD; and thy saints shall bless thee.  11They shall speak of the glory of thy kingdom, and talk of thy power; 12To make known to the sons of men his mighty acts, and the glorious majesty of his kingdom. 13Thy kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and thy dominion endureth throughout all generations. 14The LORD upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down. 15The eyes of all wait upon thee; and thou givest them their meat in due season. 16Thou openest thine hand, and satisfiest the desire of every living thing. 17The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works. 18The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth. 19He will fulfil the desire of them that fear him: he also will hear their cry, and will save them.  20The LORD preserveth all them that love him: but all the wicked will he destroy.  21My mouth shall speak the praise of the LORD: and let all flesh bless his holy name for ever and ever.

Psalms 145:10-21 ( KJV)

      Dear Lord, thank you for your promises of provisions as described in the book of Psalms and more. You are in control no matter what I can think at times. You want us to come to you in truth, a sincerity of hearts not just empty words going through the motions for appearances. I know I catch myself in motions at times yet wanting to will all the faith of my breath but I know I can doubt as I look around in the world in my life which deters my focus on You oh, Lord.   You know my needs and I must wait in patience due to you have your timing and I must praise you for this due to You are in control. I rebuke and refuse to doubt as I look around in the world and put my eyes on you and my mouth in praise toward you instead of complaining or voicing doubt that weakens my faith.  I don't want to fool myself in going through motions of insincerity but in truth all the way through. Please forgive me as distract myself with furstrations around me as it proves I'm not trusting fully in you to take care and see what is going around me. I desire my mouth to be of praise to you rather than complaining of things of the world and those fooled by it.  Praise you Oh Lord for you are in control and more powerful than all. In Jesus Name. Amen.

      As things can look interesting at times, I find that each day, week, month, or year builds on the other in faith in growing. I remember concerns I had years ago over some issues but realize today......faith is growing due to the similar issues are much larger than years ago but God has brought me through those like He will bring me through these today and those of the next years as Faith grows. Yet, pride can not take hold over victories due to it creates weakness in taking my eyes off of our Lord which I allow myself to stumble. Do we always know when we stumble or too blind to see it or worse admit it in confession?  I don't want to fool myself due to I see what can happen as I do look around. I want to be accepted by the Lord of  this  Universe over worldy peers and activities. We are to be set apart not of the world.

     It has been awhile since logging on to Xanga.  Life started to get busy to the point as I read about the beads in the last post there was little time for them even. Yet, it was a time to listen and learn instead of writing or talking. Is there more time now? Well?  It is a choice like God gives us freewill that I have been learning about. We can try to encourage others that appear to be in a downward at times blind spiral but I have been forced to remember people have freewill God gives them. 

     Since August some people in my life have been really self destructive including one of them having a funeral last week. These have been friends that have been raised in church but play the game of attending but outside of walls of church do whatever pleasures them thinking it is in part secret but not realizing the world is a lot smaller than they think it is and others are watching becoming confused in some cases as they have spout off things of God but actions are not pointing toward it.

      For some, I don't think they even see the downward spiral they were slowly taking for some it has been years but things can catch up with you no matter how secret you think you are being.  Ripple effects are real despite what we try to deny.  Our lives especially if we tell people we are a Christain or go to church are a witness of God to others as the watch what we do.

      This fall, I felt in ways like I have been in a dark glass oneway view sound proof box for some. If people that are friends are being so destructive how much more could I have done to help prevent the downward spirals as they lose focus of God in their lives?  I kept blaming myself wondering if I did this or that more. I prayed  and still pray. If my faith was stronger or I prayed more effectively? Yet, again freewill God gives people.

       It was a time for me to be quiet. It was a time for me to really listen. Two years ago things were interesting as I find that churches can be one of the most vicious places that can discourage faith due to lack of sincerity.  Yet, not all churches are the same. Some can lose their focus on God due to leadership losing focus with  them even being blind to it with ripple effects. 

      Yet, personally for me, no matter where I go to worship, my focus must be on Jesus Christ alone and not on people due to they will let you down repeatedly and betray you. They will betray you for their own pleasures and to gain peer acceptance in this world.  Some can be losing focus so slowly they are blind to it.  Sometimes, being around people can allow you to compromise in faith due to the norm level of seeking of those around you or actions they are doing or beliefs the are compromising to. Sometimes, worshipping alone or with a few sincerely seeking is far more valuable in seeking and keeping focus than being in a large group.

       Paul, Jesus, and others spent time away from others to grow in Faith in God so they can do what God wanted down in their lives. Sometimes, time away allows fewer voices around drowning out who I need most who is Jesus.